Hybrid Perfection
by NotIntoLabels83
Summary: True, unconditional, heartbreaking, love.. Losing it, finding it.. Can destiny take someone each place at once? Not much of a summary, just try it out. Post BD, canon pairings, at least at the beginning, and a strong Alice/Bella friendship.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: _Hi everyone! This is my first ever attempt at fan fiction, although I have an almost 10 years long experience in reading tons of them. I honestly don't know if I will be able to write and publish the multi-chapter story I have in mind, but this first part has been rotting in my hard drive for what seems like forever now, so I thought that finally publishing it could be the courage boost I need to continue it. So it's finally here for you to read and chew on it! English is not my native language, so I'm already apologizing for it. And I'm putting an end to this god's forsaken long author's note with a big THANK YOU for the inspiration you gave me with all of your wonderful stories! LOL, J._**

**DISCLAIMER: _I own nothing. Simply borrowing a few pieces for a while. I don't own any of the original characters of the Twilight saga. Those belong to Stephanie Meyer (lucky woman) and I hope to succeed in treating them well, although I cannot assure you they won't be a little OOC. The not canon ones are obviously mine._**

**RATING: _M__, but really not more then T until later chapters._**

**HYBRID PERFECTION – Chapter 1**

_Forks, WA – Thursday, November, 15th 2012_

_Charlie's POV_

My front door closes behind me with a soft click, the only welcome of an empty house. Like every evening in what seems like forever, I lose my holster and jacket, secure my gun and proceed to enter my living room. What I find there tonight nearly give me a heart attack. Right in front of me I see my beloved turned-vampire daughter, her impossibly gorgeous golden eyes looking right through me with a mix of happiness, worry and tiredness that make her look like a masterpiece of some gifted human sculpture. And clinging to my child's right hand there is my six years old granddaughter, who by the way looks more like a teenager, bouncing up and down in evident joy.

«Granddad!» – She screams, launching herself in my open arms, nearly killing me in the process.

«Oh! Easy, sweetheart, you need to keep in mind that you're like a brick wall for your granddad poor old human body!»

«I don't think you can be that old, you know? You have a nineteen years old daughter, after all.»

«My dear Bella, we all know how much you like to flatter yourself with your eternal youth, but I don't think that I can count it as a way of feeling younger, don't you think?» – I answer her, while opening my arms in a silent invitation for a proper greeting.

She comes to me grinning, but when I have her in my arms I immediately feel that something is very wrong. We've never been much physical to each other, although many things had changed in the last years, but right now she is hugging me like her life depends on it. I have a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

«Bella, love, what's wrong?»

Instead of answering me, she starts to sob and tremble; I know that if she was still able to, she would have been crying. Hard. I look at Renesmee, who's now watching her mother with a terrified glance and silent tears lining her face.

«Sweetheart, what's wrong with mom? Is dad... okay?»

«Y…yes.»

The reply comes as an almost too low whisper, but it seems enough to make Bella react. She loosens our embrace a little, circling her distressed daughter with one arm, while the other rests lightly on my back. Then she looks straight in my eyes, with an expression so pained that makes my heart clench in response.

«Edward is ok… physically.»

I feel the question marks painted all over my face.

«We…» – She looks away from me, as if what she's about to say is really too much to being put into words. «We lost Jasper.»

Lost? How can he be lost? Sure she doesn't mean… It can't be.

«Lo…lost?»

«Dead. Jasper's dead.»

I feel like an idiot. I feel like suddenly I'm back being five years old and I can't grasp the meaning of what she is telling me. Dead. Jasper's dead. Vampire Jasper. Dead. Make it three years old.

«How can he be…?»

«Oh, dad!» – Her expression is a mix of understanding and quiet criticism. «We can't die, but we can be killed… You already know that.»

Silence. I really can't seem to find something sensible enough to say. My brain is in overload, full of images of the tall, lean, sunny-haired guy that seemed to be almost invisible among the others, for his unobtrusive presence, but always with a primary role, thanks to his amazing ability. One thought keeps forming in my mind: since the day I finally knew what my daughter and her new family really were, I followed my own path in order to cope with the enormity of it. But one thing I'll always remember, the feeling of having at last being able to understand why they always had seemed to me creatures of higher rank. Not only Carlisle, the amazing and charismatic doctor I had learned to respect years before everything started, but also his wife and his children, like Alice, Rosalie... and Jasper. They had this kind of aura surrounding them that couldn't be missed: beasts, assassins or soulless immortals, call them whatever you like, but you cannot deny that they are beings made of knowledge and life experience that can never be really understood by a mere mortal like me. And although I knew that killing a vampire is extremely difficult, but not impossible, somehow, inside of me, I have always refused this concept. I can't believe that a creature like Jasper can simply not exist anymore. I just can't. And maybe I don't want, either. I like to think that my Bella will live forever… Why wake me up with a reality of mortal dangers? The searching gaze of my daughter's eyes put me out of my internal monologue and I start to think of more practical things: like how can the family, the parents, the siblings, possibly be coping with a tragedy of this proportions. Oh God! Alice.

«Alice?» – I almost choke.

«She's… very far from being ok. They all are.» – Her eyes go unfocused for sometime, probably seeing things I can really start to imagine. "We're back to the forest house, here in Forks. Obviously we can't go public any time soon; we just need somewhere to hide, a place in which we feel safe. I… I really don't know what's gonna happen from now on."

«How long…?» – What's wrong with me and complete sentences, by the way?

«Almost 72 hours.»

I start to feel like the question marks will never leave my face.

«I… Listen, dad. I know you have questions and I'm gonna tell you what happened… As soon as I feel like it. Right now I just want to take Nessie to bed, she's really tired.»

«Sure, go ahead. You know where everything is.» – I look down a little to gaze into my granddaughter's eyes. There is so much sorrow in them I wish I could do something to erase her pain. Instead I just hug her with all I me, while whispering "Good night, princess" in her ear.

«Goodnight, grandpa.» – And with this soft reply, she takes her mother's hands and together, they begin to climb the stairs to the upper floor, as always at human speed, for my sake.

I follow them with my eyes and as soon as they disappear, I look around at the now empty room. I feel almost like awakening from a dream. A nightmare, more likely. This can't be happening. Without even looking, I let myself fall on the armchair, the shock draining from me in silent waves of tiredness I didn't expect. I can't really imagine the enormity of this event for my daughter's family. They've been together for decades, all of them. Jasper was a beloved husband, brother and son. Uncle, too, for my little princess. That's enough for any human family to be shattered to pieces. But a vampire can't have a heart attack. Or a fatal car crash. I don't think he died of an accidental, maybe even painless death. No way. How much unbearable pain are they all suffering right now, if even my heart is clenching at the thought of the gentle boy gone? Or maybe, in these years, I've come to care about them more than I thought myself willing and capable of. Thinking of that, only a few years ago, when I was told the truth, I was able to think of nothing other than the abnormality of it, or the danger in which my daughter and grand can occur. And now, those fears have come back, those dangers are real and they have taken sweet, silent, Jasper away.

I need a drink.

_Bella's POV_

I hear the "thud" of the liquor cabinet being closed and I consider that's really not a bad idea for my father to relax himself a little before having the inevitable conversation with me. Poor Charlie, I feel bad for coming into his house like this, plunging him in everything we're all going through, but Renesmee need him. I need him. My family is broken and I don't know what to do.

As I watch my daughter's prepare for the night, I can't help but notice that she is putting on once again the silly pajamas with wolf's paws on it that Jasper had given her for her sixth birthday, two months ago. She has been doing that all nights since the one we all came home after discovering Jasper's remains, along with those of the vampires that attacked him and that he managed to destroy before being... God! As always I feel like my heart is coming back to life only to clench in despair. I can't think of him that way. I try to only remember him as the brother I will always love deeply and miss like mad for all eternity, but sometimes even doing that is too hard.

«Mom» – I hear Renesmee's voice calling me and I turn towards her, finding that she's already in my old bed, waiting to be tucked in.

«I'm here, sweetheart. Are you ready to sleep?»

As I lean in to kiss her on the cheek, she puts her fingertips on my face and I feel the tingling sensation that always precedes the use of her gift on me. I'm plunged into the past, feeling the joy and playfulness coming in waves from my daughter's memory, as she remembers, and consequently shares with me, of being tickled restlessly in the grass by her uncle Jasper, on a sunny day in the secluded garden of our last home, under the protective and loving gazes of Alice and Jacob in the background. I immediately feel my eyes filling with tears of venom that won't never be shed.

«I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry.» – comes Renesmee's trembling voice.

«I know, love, I know. I want to remember, too. It's just.. hard sometimes, you know?» – and with that I take her in my arms and start dropping kiss after kiss on her bronze, curly hair.

«Mom, can I tell you something?»

«Of course, darling! You know you can tell me anything.» – I look at her hoping to convey also with my eyes that I really mean that.

«Do you remember last year when we went back to La Push for grandpa Billy's funeral?»

«Of course. What about it?»

«I remember that I had trouble at first to believe that he simply didn't exist anymore, but then, all of sudden, I felt it, all around me. I knew that he was gone and that he has left me his love and all the memories of our time together. But...»

«But...?» – I encourage her to continue.

«But with uncle Jasper it's not happening. I don't feel him really gone. It's like... it's like a part of me believes that he's coming back, someday.»

«Oh, sweetheart! I know it's painful to accept it. It will takes some more time.» – once again I pull her in what I hope is a comforting embrace, kiss both her cheeks and her forehead. When I finally put her down and tuck her in, I feel her gaze on me like she wanted to say something else.

But she didn't. – «Goodnight mom.»

«Goodnight princess, I love you.»

«Love you too.»

In an instant I'm out of the room, turning off the light and closing the door.

As I go down the stairs, this time at vampire speed, I briefly think about what and how I'm gonna tell my father that I lost a brother, twenty-eight days ago, and that we don't know why.

_Roughly in the same moment, but 2000 miles away.._

I enter the cave with my macabre load still in my jaws and I put it down on the floor near the wall farthest from the entrance, as I lie down myself near it. It feels like I've been running for ages, even if it's been only three days. Not that I'm physically tired, obviously, but fed up? Very much. I hate hiding, it's not in my nature, but sometimes you have no choice. Like this time. Bloody hell, what a mess! Literally. I look at the huge bagI've just dropped and I feel my anxiety grow. What's ahead of me is one of those things you hope to never have to do in your entire life. Well, bad for me that I arrived too late to prevent all of this from happening, so now I have to face the consequences.

I stand up and change into my human form. I stretch myself, to fight the pain my muscles always make me endure, every time I phase. Then I untie from my leg the bundle of clothes I had stolen from a village the day before and I proceed to cover myself with undies, some worn jeans and a black tank top. You know, just in case I have some unexpected guests, it's not polite to welcome them in my birthday suite, is it?

Now, first thing first, prepare the puzzle pieces. And try not to feel sick, in the meantime. I open the bag and take out first the head, then the torso, the arms and finally, the legs. I've seen many dismembered body in my life, but only one of them was of someone I cared for and it was a long long time ago. I feel sick, looking at what should be the face of a living creature and that instead seems more like the piece of a broken statue. I need not to see him this way. Better think of this as one of the test he made me do during my training, focusing on the procedure and not on the result.

Think, think: I need to remember exactly what he taught me. I close my eyes and immerse myself in my most fond memories, the days right after my transformation, the lessons with him, the pride his words of approval gave me each and every time. His voice. _Everything is gonna be useful one day. Today, I'm gonna teach you how the dismembered body of a vampire can be reconstituted. It could be a part of you that you need to reattach by yourself, or worst, the body of someone you care about, who are not gonna be able to take care of the reconstitution themselves._ Someone I care about, that can't reattach his own body by himself. Check.

_The pieces need to be not too little or smashed. _Of course, I don't think I could do if they were as small as the ones from a 10000 pieces New York skyline jigsaw puzzle_. _And you need to love my ability of joking and making sarcastic comments about almost anything. If you want to love me, that is. What I was thinking? Oh yeah, the pieces. Not too smashed. Thank god, at least for that, I wasn't late. So that's another check.

_The body of a vampire is functioning, but not living. There's nothing that flows in it. The venom fills what were blood vessels, but it's not circulating. It allows every muscle and tissue to do its function, but locally. That's why each part can be reattached, even the head._ Ok, easy enough to understand, it's the doing part I'm worried about. _You have to reposition each part in the exact position and keep it there long enough for it to stand there on its own. _Understanding the when might be tricky.

_The only organ with peripheral activity is the brain, which controls the nervous system, like perceptions and pain. _Oh god. That means that if I reattach the head first, he's gonna feel the pain of every limbs missing and of every and each reattaching after that. On the other hand, if I reattach the limbs first, I won't have his nervous feedback about them being functioning like they should. I'm not sure there is an exact way for me to be certain that I'm doing it right, without actually feeling the limbs. And if I reattach them wrong? Oh, crap. I hate to make split decisions. Unimaginable pain or the risk of permanent damage to the body?

I close my eyes and take an unnecessary, long breath. How much I miss his presence, his mind, the sense of protection of having someone I trust to whom I can ask advices. The only other person I trusted enough (although never completely) was Marcus. Well, that's really useful: one of them is dead, the other is part of the royal family that I really need to avoid right now. So, no help this time.

Opening my eyes, I let myself observe his face, frozen in the painful expression of his last moment before being decapitated. My head is bombarded with images of him and his family, smiling, loving and being loved. I have to give him back to them in perfect shape. I need to. On the other hand, I remember perfectly the pain of losing a limb and having it reattached: second only to the transformation. And here I am, debating about waking him up while reattaching his head, with all his four limbs missing. I can't even begin to phantom the amount of pain. Damn it!.

I hate choices, especially bad ones. And this one is much, much worse than bad.

_Back in Forks, Swan Residence_

_Bella's POV_

«It was a day like any other, last Monday An ordinary evening, or so it seemed.»

«Everyone was at home, with the exception of Jasper: he was in Seattle, for a meeting with J. Jenks about some family documents. Since my changing, I've often taken Jasper's place in dealing with that kind of business, because..» – I laugh at the memory – «I used to say that he was too much terrifying for the little man's sake. But that day, he sensed that I was not in the mood to leave the comfort of the house, so he told me: "don't worry, I will behave myself" and he went in my place.»

«The atmosphere was playful in the living room, Emmett and Jacob were playing some game and being the usual clowns to Nessie's joy: her musical laughter filled the house. Edward was in our room, listening to some opera, Rosalie and Esme were in Esme's work room, looking through some magazines, Carlisle was in his study. And I was in Alice and Jasper's room, sprayed on the bed with my best friend, laughing like mad about nothing at all, as always.»

«Suddenly I saw the unmistakable signs of her going into a vision, but I didn't think too much of it: in the last years our life has been blissfully peaceful and her visions were almost always about trivial happenings in our everyday life. After a few seconds she came out of it and her eyes were panicked. Only a word left her mouth in a whisper: her husband's name.»

«I asked her what was wrong and before she could answer, Edward was at door, looking at Alice with the usual intensity of his silent conversations with his sister. She must have shown him the vision, because he told her, without any hesitation, that she should stay calm, that there was nothing to be worried about. And she looked at him, and said "I have a bad feeling about this".»

«In a blur the three of us left the room, going downstairs, to the living room, where a moment later the entire family was looking expectantly between Alice and Edward, worried that something bad could be happening. He told us what she had seen. Jasper, on his way to his car, having left Jenks' office, decided to follow a woman's voice he had heard calling for help, down a dark alley nearby.»

«I think that all of us had the same thought at the same moment: that part of town was indeed not the most secure and Jasper was a vampire, very few things in the world could be really dangerous for him. Probably there was a robbery going on and he would end up playing hero, without even breaking a sweat. But none of us had the chance to speak, because Alice went into an another vision and she did not come out of it relieved at all: she told us that she saw him deciding to enter an abandoned looking building. And after that, she wasn't able to see nothing more.»

«You see, the fact is that her visions are quite accurate regarding immediate decisions. Between him deciding to act and the act itself, how many seconds could have passed, ten, twenty? And we were at a 3 hours drive from Seattle. Whatever it was, it was happening in that moment and we were miles away. So, we acted like one: no planning, nor Carlisle taking the leading role and guiding the family through the usual discussion that always helped us outline to the best course of action, no nothing. We just left, all of us, materializing in our garage and dividing ourselves between Edward's Volvo and Carlisle's Mercedes and proceeded to break any speed limit between there and Seattle.»

«Carlisle's car guided us, Esme at his side, Rose and Emmett in the back sit. Edward followed, with Jacob in the passenger sit, while I was in the back, with Renesmee on my lap and Alice on my other side. She was.. catatonic. I had never seen her like that before. She was obviously not new to being the one with the burden of seeing terrible events in our future, but she had always remained strong to her belief in our ability of changing it. But not this time. She really felt that something terrible was happening to her soulmate and she just kept trying to see anything about his future, with so much intensity that I feared for her sanity. She hadn't breathed once since the last vision.»

«I really felt at loss like never before. We had to face countless dangerous situations in the past, many of which I never thought I would survive. But I've always being surrounded by the family strength and optimism. Not this time. There we were, all of us scared senseless of losing Jasper without even knowing how that could possibly happen. Truth is that we trust so blindly Alice clairvoyance that we couldn't find the strength to believe in what our rationality was telling us. And each of us was thinking of being in Alice place, fearing for our loved one.»

«The entire journey was like a unique stream of blurriness and fear. The only other sensation I remember is the warmness of Nessie's hand on my skin, as she projected in my mind dozens of scenes, all of them portraying the same thing: Jasper returning home, countless time in the past years. I just kept her tight in my arms, rocking her in what seemed a comforting routine for her sake, although it was for mine as well. My other hand was on Alice thigh, trying desperately to reassure myself that she was still there with us, since I felt like we were losing her too.»

«I don't remember perceiving the passing of time, but in the end, we stopped, and Alice disappeared from my side before I was even aware that we were in Seattle, near Jasper's parked blue Aston Martin. We have made in a little more than one hour what is considered to be a three hours drive. As one, we were all out on the cars, on the street, following Alice and Edward, that, through her visions and Jasper's scent, were following his steps. In a matter of seconds we found ourselves out of the door in front of which he had made the last choice we were aware of. And we all felt sick.»

«Jasper's scent was being covered by a sickening smell, that hit us more powerful as soon as we opened the door: burned vampire body. In a flash we were inside and the scene rendered all of us speechless: in the center of the otherwise empty basement, dying flames of what must have been a really big fire were feebly sparkling in the dark, in between a pileof gray ashes. And in a corner, the farthest from the entrance, the drained body of a human girl, whose face, frozen on the last expression of pain and terror, seemed to be looking at us. The scene was clear, a damn trap. After painful seconds of immobility, Alice made the few steps that divided us from the remains, falling to her knees almost as if human, and she let out a shrieking cry of Jasper's name.»

«That seemed to awaken the seven statues we had become into action. Carlisle reached the body of the woman, to check if she had really been drained by a vampire, while Edward, Emmett and Rosalie blurred out, to look for what we all hoped, a trail of Jasper's scent. I felt compelled to go to Alice's side almost immediately, but the sobbing from my daughter stopped me. As soon as I met her gaze, she told me with her eyes to go and not worry about her. I saw that Esme was already taking my place in comforting her granddaughter, while I cautiously reached my best friend, unsure of what to do to help her pain. She was too still, she scared me: I touched her shoulder, she flinched, I tried to embrace her and she started screaming and trashing. So I forced her between my arms, letting her punch me and kick me until she had no strength anymore and she started sobbing uncontrollably. I don't know how long I stayed there, I just remember looking into the ashes as if waiting for them to give me answers, all the while whispering like a broken record "I am here" and "I love you" in my sister's ears, not really knowing what else to say that wouldn't be a lie.»

As I make a pause, I finally open my eyes. I wasn't entirely aware of the trance-like situation I had put myself in. I had almost forgotten about my dad listening to me. I was reliving that day and I felt once again my eyes fill with tears; in times like this I do miss crying, it was.. a release, at least.

«I'm sorry I zoned out, dad.»

«Don't worry, kiddo. Take your time.» – I hear the sorrow in his voice and I'm slightly surprised. I know he must be really sorry for the pain Renesmee and I are feeling and he had always been really fond of Alice.. but maybe he cares more about my family than I give him credit for.

«That's it, really. We did confirm that the girl had been victim of someone of our kind, so it was obviously a trap. There must have been ashes of at least half a dozen vampires, maybe more. There was no way to.. find any proof about Jasper's body being among them. But his scent stopped there and none of us was able to find any trail, nothing that would hint to some movements on his part after entering that building. We did identify some unknown scents, all of them of vampires as well, and my siblings tried to follow them, but after a dozen of miles the trails disappeared. And Alice has not yet stopped trying to see Jasper in his visions, but..»

«Nothing?».

«Nothing.»

The silence was deafening. I can see clearly in my father face his efforts to find something to say. And then there is this glint in his eyes. I don't need Alice's or Edward's gifts to know that the police man in him is surfacing right now. And I'm glad he can really be himself around me.

«I'm sorry to ask you this, Bells, I certainly don't want to be insensible or anything, but are you guys sure there's really no way for him to be alive somewhere?»

«Don't worry, dad» – I smile – «I did expect from you this question, it's one we've made ourselves in the past days. I think that Carlisle is doing nothing else apart from speculating on this possibility. The fact is that too many things don't add up.» – I sigh. «There's no way for us not to leave a trail of our scent, unless we are dismembered and so obviously not able to move. So he should have been attacked, dismembered and then, what, saved? And taken, by whom? If it was a trap, and one intended for him, there must be someone very powerful behind it, so the chances of someone being there by accident to help him are very slim. And it's been three days already, so, where could he be? And, most important, how come that Alice can't see him? If he's alive and maybe incapacitated, he would at least make the decision of letting Alice see him: it's a procedure we've done many times to communicate with her from a distance. How can he be not dead, but not alive, somewhere? I really, really hope there's an answer I can't see, dad, but none of us can and the other explanation is so much simpler: I don't want to accept his death, but I really don't know what else to think!»

I start to sob again and the next moment my dad comes to sit on the sofa next to him, his arms around my shoulders in an awkward embrace, but comforting non the less. He doesn't speak, he just looks at me in the eyes, not knowing what to say.

«I'm sorry, Bells, I shouldn't have..»

«Nonsense, dad. I told you I wanted to hear what you had to say and I'm not taking it back. It's just, difficult, you know? But not thinking about it is not gonna make anything change.»

Minutes passed, before I speak again.

«Dad?»

«Yes, love?»

«There's any chance you could, tomorrow, like, not going to work?»

«Yeah, I think, I think so: I have no open cases on my desk, the guys can manage without me for a day, unless something happens. Why?»

«I wanted to ask you to keep Renesmee with you tomorrow, if you'd like.»

«Of course, I'd be happy to!»

«I have to ask you to take her to La Push, though. Jacob is there now, you know how upset he gets if he can't stay with her for too long. And she already misses him.»

«Yeah, I know how dependent on each other are, those two! I'll do it, I think Sue would like to have her there and the guys haven't seen her in a while now, they always ask me about her. I'm glad to have her. Do you need to go somewhere?»

«Not really. I.. I need to stay with my family, with Alice. When Nessie's around they all feel obliged to be careful with their moods and all, because they don't want to scare her. But, you know, with our instincts and all, we can get pretty upset and so Edward and I though better for her not to be around for a while. And I don't want to leave her, either, but I need to be with them right now.»

«I understand, perfectly. Don't worry, I'll take care of her. Promise.»

«I know you will. Thanks dad, for.. for everything.»

«Bella. There's nothing I want more than being a part of your and Nessie's lives and you're allowing me to, even if it's forbidden for you guys to tell about your secrets to humans. So, thank YOU.»

«You're welcome, dad. You know, I wouldn't have it any other way.»

And with that, I close my eyes and rest my head on Charlie's shoulder, enjoying the last moments of peace here, knowing very well that, where I'm going, I won't find none.

_**Oh crap! My English is really awful. Well, sorry again. And thanks for your time.. Bye!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: _Hi there! First of all, I want to thank everyone that has reviewed my story or alerted them. I was so happy that you gave my poor first chapter a chance. It took me much longer than I thought to come up with the second chapter, mainly because the more I write the more I realize how difficult it is for me to use a foreign language. But I won't give up, I only hope that in the future I will be able to post sooner new chapters, maybe longer than these! :)_**

**DISCLAIMER: _I own nothing. Simply borrowing a few pieces for a while. I don't own any of the original characters of the Twilight saga. Those belong to Stephanie Meyer (lucky woman) and I hope to succeed in treating them well, although I cannot assure you they won't be a little OOC. The not canon ones are obviously mine._**

**RATING: _M__, but really not more then T until later chapters._**

**HYBRID PERFECTION – Chapter 2**

_Alaska, Seward Peninsula – Wednesday, November, 16th 2012_

«AAAAAHHHHHH!»

I literally jumped out of my skin, even if I had prepared myself for it. I can't even start to phantom the pain he must be feeling right now. But I need to stop his trashing, otherwise he's gonna be in pain for nothing. The only reason I haven't been thrown away right now is that his limbs are still completely numb, having been reattached not too long ago. But I can't put his head back if he doesn't stand still, although I can easily sympathize with him for trying to break free from what I'm doing to his body, even if it's necessary. That may be it, I know that I'm helping him out, but he doesn't. Why don't I just tell him that? The fact is, I don't really know what's the correspondent of limbs' numbness for the brain in a dismembered vampire head. Can he hear me? Will he understand what I'm saying? Well, it's not like I have a plan B, so, let's just try and find out.

«Jasper, Jasper, hear me out!»

His frantic eyes turned on mine, his expression full of fear and pain.

«I know you're in a great pain, I'm sorry, but I'm helping you out, I swear! Do you remember being attacked, being dismembered? I'm reattaching your head, but I need your help! Please, stay still and I promise you the pain is gonna end soon. Please! Can you understand me?»

He stopped screaming, closing his mouth tightly shut and gritting his teeth so much I fear they would break at some point. Stupid male, heroic ego, it's not like I would think any less of him if he would keep up this whole "screaming like a girl" thing: I'm reattaching his head, for God's sake, it must hurt like freaking hell! I saw that he has also stopped almost every movement, so I was finally able to keep his last piece steady where it should go. That's good, isn't it?

«That's it, Jasper, that's it. Thank you for doing as I asked, I swear I'm only trying to help you. Now you have to resist for a while, your venom is reconnecting all of your muscles and tissues and it won't be long until the pain stops. So, just try to stay still and think of something good, like, like Alice and your family and the fact that you're gonna be back with them, ok?»

I saw his questioning gaze searching mine and I rushed to answer his unspoken question.

**«**And yes, I'm gonna tell you what I can about who I am and what happened to you, I promise.»

With that, I looked at him with all the sincerity I can muster, hoping for his gift to be functioning and maybe helping him to believe me. He closed his eyes then, hopefully concentrating on something's else than the pain and I sighed, relaxing for the first time since I started this awful task.

I looked at my watch, being careful not to move my hands of an inch. It has taken me a total of **4** hours to reattach his arms and legs. In the end, I opted for the "limbs first, head after" course of action, not bearing the thought of putting him through so much pain. Let's just pray I sorted the rights and lefts as I should! It's gonna be a while for all of his body parts to be functioning again, but as soon as he's gonna be able to talk, I'm gonna be in for some serious interrogation. Which is gonna be much more enjoyable than my game session of "Operation: Vampire version", that's for sure, but it's gonna be much more tricky to win. At least I am lucky he's not the mind reader!

_A few hours before – Forks, WA_

_Bella's POV_

After leaving Charlie's home, I stopped for a moment, looking at the forest and thinking of how big of a role it played in my human life in Forks, and how much my perception of it had changed: in these days I cherish it like a mantle of protection for the secret house of the big bad vampires, from the hate and the fear of the little and fragile humans all around. It sure is ironic. Since we were back in town as much secretly as possible, I didn't take my really subtle red Ferrari F430 to the Swan's Residence, but instead Renesmee and I enjoyed a playful run through the trees, obviously at our vampire speed, making us quite invisible in the dark to the possible curious human eye. So, after a last glance to my father's house, I blurred in the direction of our forest house.

As soon as I walk out of the woods, in the clearing that held my first, beloved house as a vampire, the almost deafening silence I found made me gasp out loud. As a "cold one", one the first things you learn is to forget the concept of silence as you knew it. With our supernatural senses, being able to hear the smallest of sounds from miles away, you never found yourself in silence again. But right in this moment, listening for sounds coming from the house, I found none. No one in my family was either moving nor breathing, the mansion really seemed abandoned.

Entering through the front door, I almost immediately spot them: my husband, my second parents, my siblings, all of them sitting in absolute stillness in the living room, looking very much like some exposition of creepy, dressed statues. Their gazes all laid on me for a few seconds, as I entered, each of their eyes mirroring every other ones, all full of deep sorrow and despair. In the Cullen family, nobody was able to do anything, anymore. After the first 48 hours, that were spent patrolling a one hundred miles radius of land around Seattle, and following every lingering vampire scent we were able to detect, with no results, in the end we all had surrendered to the sense of impotence and disbelief that was eating us from the inside out. It was starting to become a little too much for my daughter to endure: although obviously very mature, she still is a six years old child and Edward and I felt that the heaviness of the situation was starting to be a little too much for Renesmee, hence the decision of leaving her to the care of my father and the La Push people.

Since I was looking for Alice and she was the only one not in the room with the others, I smelled the air, in order to perceive if she was in the house, and what I felt led me upstairs. She was in her and Jasper's old bedroom, on the bed, obviously trying to have a vision: no surprise there, since she had done literally nothing else since that night in Seattle. Her eyes were pitch black, because she hadn't hunted either, in the last three days. I remember perfectly that, the evening of last Monday, among many other meaningless things, she had told me that she hadn't hunted with us the day before, because she and Jasper had planned a little romantic trip somewhere in the mountains, to have some alone time and to hunt more exotic preys. She had to be in some serious thirst, she was not talking to anyone and she was torturing herself with the non-stop concentration needed for scanning blindly the future like she had been doing for days now.

I'm not sure I can relate to what she's feeling. I don't want to insult them by comparing their feelings for each other to Edward's and mine. And in the past, when I thought I had lost the love of my life, the situation was highly different: he had left me, I was convinced that he didn't love me as I loved him. And I knew in advance what was gonna happen, I had the chance to do something, to try to save him. I had Alice, by my side. And we succeeded, she made me succeed. I don't know if there's a chance for Jasper to be alive, I don't know what I can do, she's the strong one, she's the one that has always been there for me. But now I fear for her sanity, she needs to express her feelings, to accept and live the pain, to lash out her despair. This time, I need to be able to be there for her.

After closing the door behind me, I moved my first steps into the room without any sign of acknowledgment from the unmoving vampire on the bed. As I eyed the remaining distance between me and her, I had a startling realization: I was very much scared. _Of what, exactly?_ I asked myself. _Well, of course of rejection,_ my inner voice answered, almost mockingly. And then, one moment I was looking for some trace of life in the empty eyes of my best friend, and the next, everything around me faded, leaving just me, floating weightlessly among my normally buried feelings for her.

After changing into a vampire, literally everything else also changed around me, and adjusting to the situation brought many discoveries in my new life. No doubt that the first and most powerful of them was the indescribable joy that comes with being mother to the most beautiful creatures of all. But many more surprises awaited me, some of them much more unexpected than others.

I finally got back my own separated identity from that of my immortal husband. Because, to be honest, from the first moment I laid eyes on him, he became my oxygen and nothing else mattered to me as being with me. I couldn't think of anything else, literally. It was only as a vampire myself that I did start to really comprehend what had happened to me. I was meant to be with him, from the day I was born, but my human nature was an obstacle and not only for the obvious reasons. The link between us was so strong and inhuman, that my mind was left with almost no space for anything else. From the moment, that night of six years ago, when I opened for the first time my thoughts to his mind, the maddening, never ending fear of not being ALLOWED to be with him, stopped. I was a vampire, equal to him, mother of his child, really part of his family: I was finally able to live our relationship like it was a ordinary part of my life and not something I had to constantly fight for.

This process gave many results. The first being my newly found role in the couple, which it's still cause of playful bantering between Edward and I. Apparently nowadays I'm always calling him on his flaws. He can be so much over dramatic sometimes and he tends to think too much in advance about people reactions to his decisions. Like anyone, it's not perfect in an absolute sense, but only in my eyes and right now I can see clearly this difference and we're really able to bring out the best in each other, while before we were both frozen in our efforts to convince the other of our feelings.

The first and most logical consequence of all this was my now restored ability of concentrating on my relationships with the others around me. Because, apart from Jacob, that had somehow forced me to face him and the feelings we shared for each other, I had mostly neglected everyone else. Not being anymore a fragile human and a danger magnet, not to mention their forbidden meal, had been the sine qua non condition for each member of my new family to really get to know me and vice versa. Now I have a unique bond with my adoptive parents and each of my sibling in law and I cherish dearly everyone of them. With Alice in particular, I found myself in an intense and most unexpected relationship that has failed to fit in any description I could come up with.

Sometimes I think I'm almost in love with her. And that scares me senseless.

The concept is not completely new, as a human I was really convinced of being in love with both Edward and Jacob. I think that my human nature was in love with Jacob, while the part of me that was born to be immortal and different from the people I had grown up with, loved unconditionally Edward. After my transformation and Jacob's imprinting on my Renesmee, all of that became only a fond memory and Jacob and I were instantly back to our best of friends bond and banter.

Alice has always been my favorite of all the Cullens. The first to accept me completely, even before really meeting me, the more relaxed and friendly, the person I could always go to and the one that was already there for me before I even knew I needed her. But, as much as I feel ashamed admitting it, the role she had in my life, I never really acknowledged it, mostly taking it for granted. I remember I was mainly complaining about her exuberance and meddling: I know she only meant well, but she was always forcing me to do things I didn't want to, I never stopped to think how wonderful of a friend she was to me. She was the one to come back when she thought she had seen me committing suicide, the one to risk her life to save Edward from himself and the Voltures.

In the first months after my change she quickly became my best friend. I spent with her the majority of the time I wasn't with Edward and Nessie. Since our vampire speed had reduced drastically the time needed for her makeovers, I started to suffer through them a lot less than before and even her shopping trips weren't that bad, because Rosalie and Esme were often there too and I was even starting to like the idea of enhancing my appearance, now that my immortality had made me really beautiful. In time, we found ourselves often wanting to spend time alone, always talking about the others and giggling like idiots about almost anything. And then I finally came to notice how sometimes I would just ask the right question, only to be able to look at her rambling in that adorable way of hers, when she's all excited and almost jumping from her bubbling enthusiasm. I would often find myself just staring at her almost transfixed by her beauty, not to mention the fact that I had progressed from enjoying her affectionate hugs and caresses, to being the one to initiate them and always wanting to be near her. One day, I had this epiphany and thought, what the hell?

Being a vampire, the thing you have in abundance is time. And so I did really good use it, thinking for days in a row about this strange pull I felt towards her. I wanted to be in her presence almost as much as I wanted to be in Edward or Renesmee presence. I never felt so much at ease with anyone else in my entire life, sometimes I felt even more relaxed with her than I was with my husband! I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong with me, that I was somehow being unfaithful to the unique bond I should have with Edward and that Alice herself would have found my feelings inappropriate and very wrong. I was starting to panic and Edward perceived I was preoccupied over something and pushed me to open up to him, until I finally surrendered to my need of coming clean with him about my fears.

He was immediately very comprehensive and controlled, much like he had been during the whole "I don't know what I feel for Jacob" phase, although I could see that the fact that the new subject of speculation was none other than his closest sibling had taken him aback a little. The key point was when I let myself think about Alice and then I opened my mind to his reading ability. He was much more relaxed after that, because he saw even better than myself that there was absolutely no physical attraction or sparks of any kind, that I just seemed very much in awe with her. He told me that maybe the role she had all through my first years of life in the Cullens' world had probably forged a very strong and unique bond between the two of us and that, as a vampire, I was at last really able to fully see her as the extraordinaire creature she was. He confessed to me that all of them have a soft spot for the pixie-like vampire, because, along with her ability of using her gift very often to save the family from possible dangers, she has this outstanding personality and no one was really immune to her incredible charm. As a matter of fact, every time she puts her mind on anything, she always gets her way, no matter how against it anyone is.

After that conversation, I felt much better, even starting to really enjoy this pull I felt for her and the sensations that being in her presence always brought to me. She is my special person, more than a best friend and sister combined, and I really can't help but feel this way about her. But I never came up with the necessary courage to talk to her about it, because I knew by heart that the smallest chance of her not thinking of me in the same way, would have been too much for me to handle. Her actions, her touches, her words, her smiles, were enough for me to pretend that she feels the same way. That's been fine by me, until today.

We Cullens look out for each other constantly, even if some of us seem more carefree then others. Since Jasper disappearance, we all have been at our worst, but still trying to help each other, even by just standing always close to everyone else. Alice's suffering the possible loss of her soulmate, a thing we all dread above almost anything else. Everyone has tried to reach her, to help her to cope with it, together with us, without withdrawing in herself and nearing madness. This unique bond I feel between us is the reason for my belief of being the one that's gonna succeed in finally reaching her. But what if I'm wrong? What if I'm just a sister-in-law to her, what if my attempt is absurd, since her sister of 80 years, her beloved brothers and the parents she loves deeply, had failed?

That's why, finally coming out from my intense mental monologue, I closed in a blur the remaining distance between Alice and me, climbing the bed to sit next to her and I started our conversation in the most unexpected way, surprising myself so much that I gasped immediately afterward.

«Alice? Do you.. Do you really love me? I mean, do you feel for me what I feel for you?»

And that's only when she turned her head and looked right at me with her beautiful, onyx black eyes, that I noticed how my own eyes were full of tears I'll never shed.

_Back in the cave.._

After half an hour, I could clearly see the changes in his behavior. He tentatively moved his arms and legs more often now, his posture was less rigid and finally, his eyes opened and fell once more on me. Black, from the thirst, but mostly calm, not frantic and in pain like moments ago.

«Welcome back.» – I said softly. I couldn't help myself, I was so happy he was coming back.

His gaze, curious now, kept searching my eyes, like he was literally looking for things beyond them. And then I felt it. I wave of peace, enveloping me like a blanket.

«Your gift is working, then. I'm glad, I hope this means you're gonna be all right.»

Once again, the answer I got was a silent one. I saw his eyes running now all around him, from right to left, up and down, assessing our location, no doubt.

«We are in cave, somewhere in the farthest west of Alaska, near the Bering strait.»

He couldn't completely hide his stupor and I was glad he seemed relaxed.

«Listen, it's a really long story, I expect you to have many questions and I promise you that I'm gonna answer them as truthfully as I can. But first, I want you to concentrate on your body. I want to know if everything feels at the right place. I know you're thirsty, but I think you're gonna be too weak to be able to hunt on your own for a while. Do you think you can manage waiting a little, or do you need me to» – I grin – «bring in some take-away?»

As soon as I saw his mouth moving in a little smile, but a real smile, nonetheless, I felt like waking up from a nightmare. And when I heard his voice, for the first time, I knew that he was gonna be ok.

«Thank you for your, really amusing offer, but I think I can wait a little bit longer: I don't hear any heartbeat coming from you, so I'm sure that everything's gonna be fine. As for my body, I feel very much numb, but it's getting better. I know the sensation of having a limb dismembered and reattached, although I've never lost all of them at the same time, not to mention my.. ehm, head?»

«If it makes you feel better, you're the first vampire I've ever seen in that condition.»

After this small exchange, the cave fell silent again. I kept quiet, waiting for Jasper to be the one to set the pace to this conversation. I saw him closing his eyes for a few minutes, as if concentrating on something in particular. Then his gaze fell once again on me.

«This is really awkward. I feel so much trust and friendliness coming from you, that I find myself put at ease much more easily than should be expected, although the situation is at least quite unique. Not only for the obvious part about you literally reviving me, but also because you seem to know a lot of things about me, while I'm fairly sure that I've never met you before.»

«You haven't. Met me, I mean. I know this must be strange, that's why I'm letting you take your time. I know you could simply wait to be able to walk out of here and leave without a second thought. And in that case I won't even try to stop you: I assure you, I have no intention of keeping you here against your will. But I would like for you to trust me enough to wait for your body to be fully recovered and maybe ask me for what you wish to know. I'm ready for any question you may have and I promise that I'm gonna answer either truthfully or with an explanation as for why I won't answer at all. And now I'm gonna stop rambling! Sorry.»

I looked down sheepishly, embarrassed at my endless stream of words, but I'm nervous and I tend to talk A LOT when I'm nervous. But as I looked up again, he was just smiling at me. Again!

«You don't need to worry so much, your emotions are quite clear, I feel your desire to help and to be trusted, so I don't think I will run away. But since for now that's really not an option, I'm gonna take your offer about that questions, starting with the most obvious one: may I know your name?»

At that, I really laughed out loud. How polite of me!

«Yeah, sorry about that, I tend to forget that I don't have it tattooed on my forehead. My name's Maya, nice to meet you.» – I said, extending my hand in his general direction, but then I redirected it near his right hand, seeing as he was not able to move his entire arm yet. He acknowledged my gesture with a nod and I felt his handshake, weak but firm, nonetheless. A true gentleman.

«Likewise, although it really seems a bit redundant, since you have saved my life, so obviously I'm very happy about meeting you, and also that you already seem to know who I am.»

«Well, given the situation, nothing is too redundant, I think.»

«True.» – And with that he released my hand and I just waited for him to ask something more.

But the second question wasn't coming. He was just looking at me with a thoughtful expression.

«I know that look.» – I said smiling. – «You don't know where to start.»

«Yeah, you're right. Too many things keep popping up in my mind, but I think I know what I want to ask first.» – He sighed. – «What day is it? And where is my family? I think they could have known what was happening to me in Seattle and.. Did something happened to them, too?»

He sounded a little worried and knowing his reputation of being always calm and controlled, I knew for sure that he must be REALLY worried. So I rushed to answer him.

«As you can see for yourself, he's night, between the 15th and 16th of November. You were ambushed in Seattle more than three days ago. I agree with you, Alice must have seen what was happening to you, but I might have escaped with your.. body, before their arrival. I.. I might have smelled them while I was running out of Seattle. I'm quite sure that nothing has happened to them, but I'm afraid they believe you're dead. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!»

After my little outburst, I couldn't bear to look at him anymore. As I was trying to find the texture of the rock I was sitting on interesting, I perceived a wave of calm envelop me. I felt myself get almost instantly relaxed by it, but it was unnatural and I couldn't help to feel a little violated by his powerful gift, although I knew I needed it and that his intentions were good.

«Take a breath. And relax.»

I felt his eyes on me, expectantly, so I looked up to see him looking at me with softness in his eyes. Geez, how sweet is this guy? – «Sorry, I rambled again, didn't I?»

«At least now I know the reason for all that guilt I felt coming from you. I think I'll need a much more detailed explanation of what happened in Seattle, but first things first. Why do you think they believe me to be dead?»

«Well.. For starters, your body parts weren't exactly "acting" like I had expected. Vampire limbs are supposed to be functioning even if dismembered, trying to move and reattach themselves to the body. But yours, well, they were more like pieces of stone, they didn't look alive at all. I thought that maybe the fact that the head was dismembered as well could be the reason: that would explain while I was able to reattach your arms and legs because locally the venom functioned as glue, but they didn't start to revive until the head was back in place too. I don't know, I'm just making hypothesis, because I've never seen or heard of a vampire decapitated that wasn't also burned.»

«Me neither. So, what you're saying is that probably my dismembered body wasn't enough alive in order for Alice to see it in the last three days?»

«Exactly. But even if it's true, that's not the only reason, because otherwise Alice should have seen you now, that you're back. I'm sure she hasn't, though.»

«And that's because..?»

«Because I know for sure that she can't see me, in her visions.» – I saw the surprise once again in his eyes. – «I am one of her blind spots, exactly like the La Push wolves and your niece are.»

«But.. You're a vampire, I can't feel it!»

«Yes, I am. But I'm not your ordinary vampire, either.»

«You're some kind of hybrid?»

I didn't really felt ready for that question and, of course, he sensed it.

«Ok, I'm sure that's gonna be another long conversation, one that will be handled by none other than you, at your conditions, time and place.»

My relief was evident, no need for his gift. I know the time will come to tell him about who I am, or rather to all his family. I want to. But I wasn't ready yet.

«Thanks.»

«You're welcome, it's the least I can do. I owe you my life and I'm really curious about who you are, but I don't want you to feel obligated or under any kind of pressure. And, to be blunt, right now I have a more important thing in my head.»

«Let them know you're alive, of course! Well, Alice can't see you if I'm near, so obviously I should leave you alone. And do not think I have something against it, although I'm not entirely comfortable with it, seeing as you're not completely capable of defending yourself, if in danger.»

«That's very considerate of you. But the only other option is for me to distance myself from you, but that's gonna take a while and..»

«And you're impatient to reach them, obviously. Well, while waiting for you to recover, I did think about this problem and a third possibility came to mind.»

«Spill it.»

«I'm aware that's not really your standard...» – smiling I moved my raised hands in the infamous quotation marks gesture – «"vampire horror movie" stuff, but.. why don't you just phone her?»

And with that, I reach inside the now empty bag laying on the floor behind me, taking out the leather pouch that contains the few possessions I always travel with. Among them, there is my beloved black iPhone that I planned to offer to Jasper, although I'm a little taken aback by his unexpected, but pleasant, musical laughter.

«Oh my! – He finally spoke after a good thirty seconds of what seems a real hearty laugh.» – «That was priceless! One moment you're speaking of dismembered vampire bodies and the next you offer me to phone my immortal family, from a cave in the middle of Nowhere, Alaska!»

His unexpected humor is infectious, so I found myself naturally playing along and putting on the mask of indignation, before answering his accusation.

«FYI, we are near the town of Nome and not in the middle of nowhere. Besides, you would be surprised of how many cellphone towers there are scattered in the woods. I swear to you, I started to think that maybe even animals use cellphones nowadays!»

In complete silence, we engaged each other in a playful battle of scowls, before cracking almost simultaneously and laughing together all over again.

«Geez! If someone had told me that after all that happened, I would be laughing with a complete stranger like this, I wouldn't believe them! You're really funny, you know that?»

«I was always told to be too disrespectful and sarcastic for my own sake.»

«Well, I don't know about the too much part, but, as far as I'm concerned, thanks: I needed that.»

«You're welcome. So, do you accept my suggestion?»

«If you don't mind me using your phone, I accept it with pleasure.»

«Be my guest. Just, try to not give Alice a heart attack, would you? Because if I'm right and they think you're dead, that's gonna be a hell of phone call.»

«If you right, I need to reach her as soon as possible. Because I can't even imagine being at her place right now, thinking I had lost her forever.»

Alas, the surreal playfulness has gone, his serious expression reminding me that, even if for now, everything's seems to be going in the right direction, there are still many problems ahead for me. Things I kept well buried for many decades are gonna surface and preparing myself for it doesn't really mean I'm ready. I look at Jasper as he dials the number of the love of OUR lives.

Oh boy! I'm officially screwed.


End file.
